Well, I’m back once again to review another porn game. For those of you who have been following my reviews (firstly, thank you; secondly, get a life), you know well by now that I have never been much of a gamer, both in general and especially when it comes to porn. Porn is not a game to me. I want my porn with no impediments. I like my porn like I like my women: sexy, easy, and there to make me cum.
Porn games, however, are not for the instantly gratified masturbator such as myself … no, they are more geared toward people with certain traits that I do not seem to be blessed with in abundance. Namely, patience and a desire to succeed at something that isn’t real. I have always kind of disliked games in general, even the board games everyone wanted to play as a kid. I think the problem is that I just don’t give a fuck if I win or lose. It literally makes no difference in my actual life, and silly forms of competition bore me.
Plus, the problem with porn games specifically is that they always seem to be way more game than they are porn. Don’t make me fucking work for half an hour just to give me a half a minute clip of some cartoony anime bitch sucking a cartoony anime dick. I think I’ll just fap the old fashioned way, fuck you very much!